I want to share my story and really it is not easy to share. As I post this, my hands are sweating and my heart is beating fast. I have hesitated for so long because of the fear of how people would take it. I feel like all these years I had to hide this part of me. But I decided that I no longer want to be afraid; that my story may help someone who is struggling; that it may show someone that you ...can go through struggles and overcome them; that you can become happy with who you are. This is what made me who I am today. It is my story and my path. It has given me strength and passion. I wouldn’t be who I am today without having experienced it..
We all have struggles in life. No one is perfect and it is what we do with them that can change our lives. I will admit right here and now that I am not happy with every decision I have made in the past. But when it came down to it, I was faced with two choices and I know I made the right one. I could have chosen to feel sorry for myself or I could have chosen to make a change to better my life. I chose to make it better.
(Attention - LONG POST - A day that I celebrate a decision I made 13 years ago TODAY!)
I struggled with insecurities from I swear the day I was born. I just was very shy, timid and just felt so uncomfortable about myself. I remember not really talking to people until I was in 4th / 5th grade. I would shrug my shoulders, I hated making eye contact and I really felt so uncomfortable if anyone looked at me. I couldn’t order at restaurants, or if the teacher called on me in class, I would completely freeze and feel total panic. Once I hit about 7th grade, girls started to give me a problem. High School was the absolute worst. They wrote mean things about me in the bathroom, pranked called me, said nasty things as I walked by at school sporting events and it goes on. Inside I felt terrible already about myself and this just made me feel even worse. I tried to mask it and act as though I didn’t care, but at home, I spent many days crying. See you never know what someone’s struggles are. You never know what really is going inside.
I remember being at my first high school party and I gave into the peer pressure of alcohol. I found that it made all my insecurities and anxiety go away. Alcohol masked my insecurities and anxiety and I did not have to deal with the real issues. This was the beginning of my struggles with alcohol. What it turned into was a constant cycle of making bad choices and feeling regret.
I was 21, at Rutgers, started getting failing grades, drinking way too much, just got out of a terrible relationship and my grandmother that lived with me my whole life passed away. It was a really low time in my life. I just didn’t realize yet that alcohol was the root of my problems. I wasn’t someone that drank every day. The problem was what happened when I did. I had a group of friends that invited me out to help me feel better and that is the day I met Scott. As corny as this may sound the moment I saw him, I remember it so clear, I knew that he was the one. I really feel that he was placed in my life for a reason. He is the best thing that came into life, he is my best friend and makes me laugh like no other! I am not really sure what he saw in me at the time but I am glad he did see the real me. He loved the person I was when I was not drinking. He struggled with the girl I became when I was drinking. It was a long road of ups and downs but it made our relationship stronger because of it.
I tried to stop drinking from the age of 21 until the age of 27. I struggled every time I stopped because all my friends were going out and drinking and I felt alone. It wasn’t easy to be the only one not drinking and I would just go back to drinking again. I just wasn’t ready. Finally at the age of 27, 13 years ago TODAY, May 24th, I finally had it. I was tired of hiding my FEELINGS, I was tired of making bad choices, and I was tired of feeling REGRET. I knew that deep down I could be so much more and that I was tired of that person I had become while drinking.
Through those years, I found exercise to be my outlet. It amazed me how it could make me feel good, strong and happy. It became a passion of mine. I knew when I was feeling alone and anxious, I could exercise to feel better, and that it would just change my mood and was my outlet in life.
There came that point when I was finally ready to make the change and stop drinking. I was in a really bad place and I will never forget the way I felt that day. It keeps me from ever going down that path again. I was about to get married in 3 months and the wedding was called off. I didn’t know what the future held but I knew that this is what I had to do to better my life. I am so thankful to a very close friend of mine that found a support group for me. I knew as soon as I went there, I was exactly where I was supposed to be. It wasn’t easy, there were many struggles but through this I became so strong and I let go of my past, I worked on my insecurities. I focused on my health and became confident. I became a person I never knew I could be. I became HAPPY inside and out.
I look back to this day 13 years ago and it AMAZES me. I feel so thankful that I made this change. Deciding to make this change led me to such a beautiful place. I have a loving relationship with my husband. I have 2 of the most precious gifts in the world my children and I can’t imagine life without them. I am so thankful that I made the change before I had children. I truly feel that is a gift.
I share this because if you are struggling, I want you to know that you can change, that you can better your life, that YOU ARE WORTH IT! This day I now celebrate 13 years! I don’t know if anyone realizes how much that means to me. I have celebrated it quietly for one too many years and I now am proud to share it with the world.
"Just for today I will be unafraid, Especially I will not be afraid to enjoy what is beautiful and to believe that as I give to the world, so the world will give to me."
We all have struggles in life. No one is perfect and it is what we do with them that can change our lives. I will admit right here and now that I am not happy with every decision I have made in the past. But when it came down to it, I was faced with two choices and I know I made the right one. I could have chosen to feel sorry for myself or I could have chosen to make a change to better my life. I chose to make it better.
(Attention - LONG POST - A day that I celebrate a decision I made 13 years ago TODAY!)
I struggled with insecurities from I swear the day I was born. I just was very shy, timid and just felt so uncomfortable about myself. I remember not really talking to people until I was in 4th / 5th grade. I would shrug my shoulders, I hated making eye contact and I really felt so uncomfortable if anyone looked at me. I couldn’t order at restaurants, or if the teacher called on me in class, I would completely freeze and feel total panic. Once I hit about 7th grade, girls started to give me a problem. High School was the absolute worst. They wrote mean things about me in the bathroom, pranked called me, said nasty things as I walked by at school sporting events and it goes on. Inside I felt terrible already about myself and this just made me feel even worse. I tried to mask it and act as though I didn’t care, but at home, I spent many days crying. See you never know what someone’s struggles are. You never know what really is going inside.
I remember being at my first high school party and I gave into the peer pressure of alcohol. I found that it made all my insecurities and anxiety go away. Alcohol masked my insecurities and anxiety and I did not have to deal with the real issues. This was the beginning of my struggles with alcohol. What it turned into was a constant cycle of making bad choices and feeling regret.
I was 21, at Rutgers, started getting failing grades, drinking way too much, just got out of a terrible relationship and my grandmother that lived with me my whole life passed away. It was a really low time in my life. I just didn’t realize yet that alcohol was the root of my problems. I wasn’t someone that drank every day. The problem was what happened when I did. I had a group of friends that invited me out to help me feel better and that is the day I met Scott. As corny as this may sound the moment I saw him, I remember it so clear, I knew that he was the one. I really feel that he was placed in my life for a reason. He is the best thing that came into life, he is my best friend and makes me laugh like no other! I am not really sure what he saw in me at the time but I am glad he did see the real me. He loved the person I was when I was not drinking. He struggled with the girl I became when I was drinking. It was a long road of ups and downs but it made our relationship stronger because of it.
I tried to stop drinking from the age of 21 until the age of 27. I struggled every time I stopped because all my friends were going out and drinking and I felt alone. It wasn’t easy to be the only one not drinking and I would just go back to drinking again. I just wasn’t ready. Finally at the age of 27, 13 years ago TODAY, May 24th, I finally had it. I was tired of hiding my FEELINGS, I was tired of making bad choices, and I was tired of feeling REGRET. I knew that deep down I could be so much more and that I was tired of that person I had become while drinking.
Through those years, I found exercise to be my outlet. It amazed me how it could make me feel good, strong and happy. It became a passion of mine. I knew when I was feeling alone and anxious, I could exercise to feel better, and that it would just change my mood and was my outlet in life.
There came that point when I was finally ready to make the change and stop drinking. I was in a really bad place and I will never forget the way I felt that day. It keeps me from ever going down that path again. I was about to get married in 3 months and the wedding was called off. I didn’t know what the future held but I knew that this is what I had to do to better my life. I am so thankful to a very close friend of mine that found a support group for me. I knew as soon as I went there, I was exactly where I was supposed to be. It wasn’t easy, there were many struggles but through this I became so strong and I let go of my past, I worked on my insecurities. I focused on my health and became confident. I became a person I never knew I could be. I became HAPPY inside and out.
I look back to this day 13 years ago and it AMAZES me. I feel so thankful that I made this change. Deciding to make this change led me to such a beautiful place. I have a loving relationship with my husband. I have 2 of the most precious gifts in the world my children and I can’t imagine life without them. I am so thankful that I made the change before I had children. I truly feel that is a gift.
I share this because if you are struggling, I want you to know that you can change, that you can better your life, that YOU ARE WORTH IT! This day I now celebrate 13 years! I don’t know if anyone realizes how much that means to me. I have celebrated it quietly for one too many years and I now am proud to share it with the world.
"Just for today I will be unafraid, Especially I will not be afraid to enjoy what is beautiful and to believe that as I give to the world, so the world will give to me."
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